Avatar Movie Review

Everything is backwards now, like out there is the true world and in here is the dream...
-Jake Sully

Note: This being a recent release, this movie review does not contain spoilers. I'll post an analytical detailed review later.

A new world with new dreams. A new exciting place to explore, filled with adventure, interesting sights, and a beautiful forest to rip apart and destroy in order to fill the needs of greedy human corporations. Yep, Avatar is another one of those films that seeks to delightfully expose man for the greedy ruthless bastards that they are and their internal struggle against hippie tree huggers and the few who sympathize with them.

I'll just get straight to the point. In terms of story and characters, Avatar is nothing close to resembling anything unique or original. Grizzled military veteran who loves to shoot stuff? Check. Evil corporate executive who will destroy anything and everything to make money? Check. Hero who finds a way to overcome a (in this case literally) crippling flaw through high adventure? Check check check. It's all been done before. Oh, and of course the obligatory war overtones are here as well. Earth wants to take over Pandora for rich mineral? America wants to wage war over oil? Uh huh. We see what you did there James Cameron.

Yet despite an overly formulaic plot and lack of originality, Avatar manages to be a super fantastic movie. After you enter the world of Pandora, the silly plot troubles melt like lemondrops and you are taken into a fantastic CGI world of wonder. Avatar is a technical masterpiece, with human actors and CGI blending in extraordinarily well. I hate to use the movie as an art form metaphor here, but really at the end of the day Avatar is quite simply a work of art. I'm not sure how much effort and time went into creating the CGI, but it is gorgeous.

And truth be told, the story isn't all bad. Yes I said it was unoriginal and formulaic, but that isn't always a bad thing. At the end of the day, Avatar doesn't break any new ground, but it sure breaks the heck out of the old ground. Really, every you know that has seen it says the movie is awesome, and they are right. It is awesome. Go see it.

I have more to say, but that will have to wait for a more detailed spoiler post.

Code Lyoko

Here we are, going far, to save all that we love;
If we give, all we've got, we will make it through.
Here we are, like a star, shining bright on your world;
Today, make Evil go away!
-Cody Lyoko

For some completely random reason I started thinking about Code Lyoko, an old cartoon show from about 5 years ago that I used to watch. Why I suddenly started reminiscing about a show that I haven't thought about in years is beyond me, but I remembered thinking how awesome the premise of the show was...and how sloppy it was in execution.

To actually explain the concept of the show is far too great a task to explain in a simple blog post. Long story short, a group of friends that attend a boarding school enter a virtual world known as Lyoko where they assist a female AI in thwarting evil AI Xana's attempts to hack into special towers in Lyoko which in turn allow Xana to do malicious things in the real world.

The story isn't really the important thing here though. What's unique about Code Lyoko is that it employs two different animation styles. Scenes in the real world take place in traditional animation, whereas scenes in the digital world of Lyoko take place in CGI. When the group travels into Lyoko to stop the latest Xana plot, it looks and feels like a video game. In a way it sort of is, as the kids gain uber weapons, ninja skills, and have "hit points" that get depleted when Xana's virtual monsters hurt them. Run out of hit points, and you are ejected from the digital world for the remainder of the episode.

As this show aired during the latter years of my video-game junkie phase, I naturally fell in love with the show. At the same time however parts of the show were just plain infuriating. For one thing, the show pretty much had no continuity through the first half of its four season run. It followed a standard formula of "Oh look, Xana's causing random trouble, let's stop him just in the nick of time!" that is standard in most kids action shows. Oh and there's the usual middle-school drama that takes place between the main characters and other inhabitants of the boarding school. To be fair the plot picks up (and how!) in seasons three and four, but the early days were pretty shaky.

The plot isn't really my main concern with the show however. Naturally I'm far more interested in discussing the video game elements of Lyoko. The problem is, the characters and their digital ninja forms just plain sucked at combat. Now I'm willing to understand the need to be cautious (after all, this wasn't just a video game, haha) but even the most basic of Xana's underlings would cause the characters to stop drop and whine before pulling off some random (and lucky) maneuver that would magically kill them all.

Mind you the characters did have a good reason to be cautious. This is because in Lyoko everyone has the constitution of a box of Kleenex. Seriously, if you get so much as grazed by a laser in this world, then you lose like 50% of your hit points. Every time someone got hit with a laser or bludgeoned with some object it was always "careful! another hit like that and you're a goner!" I know ninja character archetypes aren't the most durable people in the world, but you should seriously be able to withstand more punishment than these guys are dying over.

Speaking of dying, this series also suffers a bit of Disneyitis. Everytime Xana causes trouble in the real world, it usually involves some kind of crazy destruction for ye olde boarding school. No matter how badly the place gets destroyed though, it doesn't matter. When Xana's attack is stopped in Lyoko, the female AI I mentioned earlier performs a magic time warp that reverts the real world back to the point time before Xana screwed everything up. Everyone but the main characters forget that they were 5 seconds away from dying or what have you, and life goes on...until the next attack that is. Here's the really strange thing though: no one dies during the attacks, which can sometimes get quite serious. Reason being is that a time-warp cannot bring back the dead. Despite the fact that a magic time warp occurs and fixes all boo-boos and property damage, if someone dies, they're still dead, despite the fact that time warped back and the death never actually happened. Illogical? Yes. Loophole probably invented because it was a kids show? Most likely. Oh well. C'est la vie.

So yeah, as much as I liked the whole video game virtual reality components, it's filled with loopholes. Even still, it has cool video game virtual reality components that kept me coming back for more like a crazy drug. See the dilemma I was having? It was like the original pokemon anime all over again.

One thing I never knew about the show until after I watched it was that it actually had a cool theme song. This was mainly because Cartoon Network didn't air it for I presume time reasons. Although the English version was kinda subpar (I did like the refrain though, which is what I quoted at the beginning of the article) the French version was actually quite awesome. Oh yeah, I should probably mention that this show was developed (and takes place) in France. No Japanese import here! Maybe it's because everything sounds cooler in French, but the French version of the theme song has earned a place on my IPod once again.

Moving Day

Courage is not the absence of fear, but simply moving on with dignity despite that fear.
-Pat Riley

So after coming to the conclusion that blogger is indeed way better than wordpress, I've decided to move my old Ars Arcanum blog over to blogger. With the change comes a new name: Rose-Covered Waltz.

Why change the name of the blog? Well for starters Ars Arcanum was already taken, haha. In all seriousness though, I've decided to change the name of the blog to reflect the many changes that have occurred in my life over the last year or so. A lot has happened in my life lately, notably over the last few months. It has not been a gradual process however, rather it has been one that has gone on since last Spring. To give the full story is not one I will do lightly, and indeed only a few people know it. Suffice to say, calling my life a rose-covered waltz is my preferred way of phrasing the awesomeness that has been life leading up to and beyond this point.

If there's one thing I've learned this year, it's that hesitation breeds regret. To that end, I've learned the importance of waltzing through life, enjoying both the big and little moments as they've come. Sometimes I end up forgetting this message, yet not too long ago a realization hit me that really drove this point home. I look forward to continuing to waltz through life and this blog, enjoying the good and handling the bad as it comes.

Movie/book reviews will be returning soon. Coming up: New Moon reviews for both book and movies, and a rather...gross film.

Cyber Monday

A "Digital Poem" I wrote a year ago for a communications class. For some reason I never posted it here. Note the links, though not all of them might still be working.

Cyber Monday

Ho ho ho, come one, come all,

Black Friday has come, the shoppers will not fall.

To get gifts for the holidays, the season has arrived,

The lines get long; surely no one is surprised.

Yet as the consumers go to and from stores,

Another wave of shopping has approached our doors.

Enter Cyber Monday, a true online delight,

Where the deals return online, despite the economic fright.

People like this holiday, sales have clearly shown,

When people can grab deals, from the comfort of their own home.

Yet all is not well in this cyber-universe of bliss,

Online spammers and scammers, steal money with deadly kiss.

Papers report this quite sad catastrophe,

Of the foolishness of shoppers, who can't help but shout blasphemy.

Not everyone is smart, when it comes to shopping online,

People must be more careful, it is clearly the time.

Yet websites show clearly that online scamming will not end,

There is still a month left to go, the mass shopping will not bend.

So to all you people who shop on the web,

I ask you to be careful, please stop, look ahead.

If a site seems leery you should stop drop and roll,

Least your hard-earned funds be replaced with useless coal.

Even the familiar haunts should be regarded with care,

For mirrored sites are abound, it's really not fair.

So ends my tale of holiday shopping and delight,

Please take care when shopping online, lest your holidays turn into fright.

Twilight Film Review

Stephanie Meyer be darned I will not be denied my Edward vs. James duel to the death!
-Me

In November 2008 hordes of eager Twilight fans raced to movie theaters to see their Bella and Edward on the big screen. The result was a lot of disapproval and disappointment, with arguments abound over what the movie did right, but mostly did wrong. Now that I've finally read the book and seen the movie I can see where these people are coming from, though I don't entirely agree that the movie was terrible. It was…adequate.

The major problem with Twilight lies in the story. It is not easy to take a 500 page book and turn it into a two-hour movie. Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are proof of that. Such book to movie transitions result in a catch-22 in which you want to include all of the cool parts of the book, but are unable to fit them within the confines of a movie. In the end, the movie does a faithful adaptation of the book in that it does stray too far from the plot. Yes, there were some extra stuff involving James and his coven, but that was a good thing. In the book, James suddenly and unexpectedly burst onto the stage as if to say "Stephanie Meyer called, she needed a villain!" The movie does a much better job of capturing James' antics and the subsequent effect on the area. So when he makes his actual appearance in the book, it works far better.

Unfortunately some of the key events were downplayed rather spectacularly. The car accident, the first major clue for Bella that Edward was a vampire, was horribly directed. Although I give props for the surprise lead-in, it quickly fell apart after that. A word to the director: if Bella ends up going to the hospital for hitting her head and risking a concussion, make sure she actually hits her head!

The rushed plot does more than hamper the overall story. It creates a major dilemma for people who watch the movie without having read the book first. While a devoted Twilight fan will have no problem keeping up with the action, Twilight-newcomers will likely get confused at speedy plot, trying to figure out who is who while chapters of the book fly by in minutes.

Plot aside, the characters were fairly hit-or-miss. While Kristen Stewart played a satisfactory Bella (good voice-over's especially), Robert Patterson did a poor job with Edward, especially in the early parts of the movie. Having read the book and knowing what drives Edward during his initial encounters with Bella, and during subsequent meetings (especially as guys try and fail miserably in asking Bella to the danc-errr prom) Patterson just did not seem to get it. Edward was cold (pun intended) towards Bella, yes, but half of the frustration resulted in Edward trying not to rip Bella to pieces because she smelled like the vampire equivalent of an Omaha Steak. I was dying to see some of that frustration in Patterson, especially during the scene in which Bella walks in on him trying to switch out of Biology class. Remember, you find out later that Edward was *this* close to devouring Bella and disposing of the other woman, something he claimed he could have done easily. Patterson's performance improved a little bit after the vampire revelation was revealed (the meadow scene between the two in particular) yet he was for the most part batting below par.

Speaking of baseball metaphors, most of the Cullen's weren't all that impressive. Although Peter Facinelli did a fantastic job as Carlisle, though everyone else just ended up blending into the scenery. In their defense, the movie downplayed most of their roles to the point of non-existence due to the rushed plot. Jasper in particular lost a lot of his edge, with non-book readers missing a lot of cool points about his character.

As for the other characters, they played their respective roles adequately. The high school kids acted like typical high school kids, and that's exactly the point. Billy Burke played a pretty good Charlie, but my eye is on Jacob. He doesn't get much screen time in the book or the movie, but from what I saw, I remain optimistic for his leading role in New Moon.

Rushed plot and shallow characters aside, the movie did have a few redeeming qualities. I'm glad they included the baseball scene (though to be fair it would have been hard not to) yet the ending of the movie pleased me greatly. One of my biggest gripes with the book involved the relative lack of suspense in the final moments of James plot to kill Bella. Stephanie Meyer might be incapable of writing an action sequence, but oh yes the movie is quite happy to oblige. I would have made a few changes to the scene (Bella shouldn't have been conscious for example, at least not for the entire fight) but overall it redeemed the book in my eyes.

I'd say Taylor sums up the movie best of all. Is it fantastic? No. Is it terrible? No. Does it provide an adequate summary of the book wrapped into a tightly-knit 2 hour package? Yes. This movie will not win over newcomers to Twilight. Let the devout Twilight fans bicker over what worked and what didn't. I've said my piece.

On a final note, I have to admit I am looking forward to New Moon. Although seeing trailers has me worrying that they downplay certain sections of the book in favor of later events, the uber-cool Volturi will be worth an extended glance. Thank you movies, for not being afraid to show a little action.

Twilight Book Review

I folded the letter carefully, and sealed it in the envelope. Eventually he would find it. I only hoped he would understand, and listen to me just this once. And then I carefully sealed away my heart.

-Bella

*Warning: The following review contains super-mega spoilers for the first Twilight novel. Failure to heed this warning will result in me sicking Jasper upon you.

I knew going into this review that this would be a hard book to rate. Part of the reason involves the subject manner. Romance novels aren't exactly my forte I'll admit, but being an English Major has forced me to read stories that have forced me to develop an open mind about plots that would drive most people
insane. The other reason is that Twilight is the introductory novel of a major series. As with other major series the first book mainly serves the purpose of introducing the major players, and then throwing in a conflict at the end just to keep things interesting. Twilight is no exception to this rule. Still, it is possible to have a first book in a series be unbelievably epic, so does Twilight fit this bill?

I promised myself I would be completely honest in this review, so I have to admit that in beginning the novel, the answer was a resounding no. The beginning chapters weren't necessarily bad per-say; they just lacked the all-star quality that I would think makes the book so popular. However, in progressing through the chapters I realized that Bella's otherwise normal teenage anxiety and accounts of high school drama were done for good reason. Yes, most of the characters that appear are pretty uneventful and static, yet they all serve the main purpose of helping connect Bella to that strange and mysterious Edward Cullen. Whenever one of the guys fails at asking her to the dance, Edward is right there to provide a moment of connection. When Bella nearly gets turned into a car sandwich Edward is there. Although I don't necessarily agree with Meyer's strategy, I can respect her use of throwaway characters as a plot device. After all, some people are horrible with character management, and the results can be disasterous.

Speaking of Edward, Meyer does a fantastic job of introducing his character. Edward and his mysterious family sitting alone at the lunch table provide a sharp contrast to the otherwise normal high school kids. Even if you somehow have no clue that Edward is one of the main characters and a vampire going in, you can tell that he stands out in a crowd. While his behavior around Bella might seem a little unusual by normal standards, I wasn't expecting some of the twists that Meyer ended up pulling with his character. Sure his character disappears a lot because he needs to feed, but nearly attacking Bella over her scent? Like a good mystery novel, Twilight really deserves a second reading to catch all of the subtle details.

Edward aside, one of the few things I appreciated about the early parts of the book was Meyer's ability to have fun with Bella and her circus of throwaway characters. From the start of the novel in which Bella describes the cloudy and sunless town of Forks, up until the point when the vampire secret is revealed, Meyer constantly throws in subtle vampire references. While saying things like "stabbed with a pencil" might be seen as foreshadowing, they end up having the purpose of providing fun comedy relief in an otherwise dramatic story. I had a lot of fun counting the vampire references in the early parts of the story.

My initial hesitation towards the book immediately started to change around the time Edward revealed his true identity to Bella. It felt to me that Meyer was able to remove a great weight off her shoulders, and move on to the actual meat and potatoes of the novel. Such details become visible when Edward introduces Bella to his family. Meyer clearly has big plans for the Cullen's, even if you don't know what all of them are right now. Carlisle in particular quickly became a favorite of mine. Not only does he have the coolest name ever, I found his character back story to be rather awesome. I've started the second book, and suffice to say I was pleased to see more love for Carlisle's back story. Although not a member of the family, I ended the novel wondering a lot about Jacob as well. I've been told that he plays a major role in the second novel, so all is well.

While I dragged my feet through the first parts of the story, it really began to pull a 180 once vampires came into the picture. Gone are the boring high school kids, now we have vampires and unique abilities based on their personality. Of course, the Edward x Bella romance began souring here, and it was at this point that I realized why Twilight is so incredibly popular (and hated) among the female gender. Personally, I thought the romantic scenes at the forest and in Bella's room were cute and well-written. On the other hand, I haven't read many romance novels written after the 1800's so parts of it might have been a bit cliché. Some of the dialogue (Edward's in particular) was rather corny, but I thrive on silly, so it was all well and good.

Romance novel or not, I knew that a storyline this complex would have to have some kind of action or drama before the end. We are dealing with vampires after all. Well, suffice to say that the action and suspense eventually did hit, and when it did, it occurred in a completely surprising and unexpected way. It occurs to me that it is a bit difficult to explain. I mean, you have a friendly game of vampire baseball turning into a friendly game of baseball between two vampire groups turning into a dramatic chase across the western half of the United States…which don't get me wrong is quite *awesome*.

While the middle part of the book was quite good, the ending ended up being fantastic, even if it only lasted for about 100 pages or so, the sudden goodbye to Charlie, Bella running for her life and subsequent charge into death at the hands of James was perfect. When I throw in a quote for a review, I tend to pick one that captures one of the most powerful moments of the novel. Bella's suicid-err goodbye note to Edward followed by the line "And then I carefully sealed away my heart." …call me a romantic floozy if you must, but I really liked that line. Everything about the hunt was perfect. Bella thinking fast to escape Mary Sue vampires, the resulting double-cross of James' not actually having Bella's mom (which I admit I didn't see coming, but it makes sense in more ways than one) and the self-fulfilling prophecy that the preface alludes to as Bella is about to die, it was brilliant.

And then, everything fell apart.

Okay, so I understand that the novel takes place entirely from Bella's point of view. As a result, we are naturally going to be robbed of what could only be described as an epic save of Edward beating the tar out of James if Bella is unconscious. But I honestly I feel kind of robbed that we, the reader, got to miss out on it. Sure I'm a guy that loves a token action scene, but I really felt like Meyer cheated in the ending. James, badass manipulating hunter, is suddenly tossed on a bus that promptly explodes, and the reader is left with a rather boring medical scene. Okay, so I'm being a little harsh here. Edward did get faced with a tough decision that he fortunately managed to be rescued from making, and the resulting scene provides an important plot point in the story to come (based on what I've read of the second book so far anyway). I just really disliked the way Meyer dealt with James' demise. You know deep down that Bella was probably not going to die (at least, not at the end of the first book) and that someone would rescue her, but as far as I'm concerned Meyer utilized some extremely poor execution here. Here's to hoping the movie gives me an epic vampire battle. :)

So what did I think of the book? Overall, I admit I liked it. Yes, there was more than one part I really disliked, but overall the good outweighed the bad. The first book in the series tends to be one that mainly serves to establish characters, with the action picking up fast from there. Meyer has proven in the last half of Twilight that she can develop a solid story once she puts introduction out of the way, so I can only hope that the fun manages to continue. While I've been warned that the second book has a lot to be desired, I've also been told that it is Jacob heavy, so I think I can see patterns from the first book re-emerging with more exposition coming forth. And who knows? By the third and fourth book Meyer might actually treat the reader to an action sequence. ;)

With the review done, I now throw in some random theories and predictions about what might happen in the books to come. No clue if any of them are correct, but I like to try.

*Isn't it strange that Bella can smell blood? On that note, how come Edward can't sense her thoughts? I originally thought that Bella was a half-vampire (from her mother), but dismissed that notion pretty quickly. I think the Cullen's would have figured that out pretty quickly if that was the case. Still...

*Vampires seem to have a tendency of bringing in a powerful quality from their human self. I have no clue if Bella ends up becoming a vampire or not by the end of the series, but I fear her clumsy nature will end up being the dominant vampire gene. :)

*There's something special about Bella's mother. No clue what, but Meyer has given subtle hints that at least one of Bella's parents has something unusual going on, and I'm saying it's the mother. Bella: "I got X trait from Y parent."

*Jasper will die by the end of the series, and it will involve a self-sacrifice in rescuing Bella from someone or something. Perhaps rescuing her from himself, after reading the first few chapters of book 2.

*Bella will either convince Rosalie to like her, or Rosalie will end up joining the major villain, and probably die.

*Speaking of which, there has been a decisive lack of a major villain from what I can tell. Though early mention of the Volturi in New Moon might cause that to change quickly.

*Although handled poorly, James death will have repercussions that involve someone close to him. Probably Victoria (she is still alive I think?), and if that's the case she will probably become a future villain, if not the major one.

Upcoming Reviews

“Victory favors neither the righteous nor the wicked. It favors the prepared.”

-Lay of the Land (MTG)

In an effort to keep myself organized and to provide a hint of things to come, I am posting a list of upcoming movie/book reviews that I will be doing along with some hints as to what to expect from them. Although I’m trying to get into the habit of reviewing movies as I see them, I’ve encountered an influx of them thanks to a wonderful Halloween week It was my original intention to start them today, but sadly an MLL test getting readjusted means it will have to wait until later this week.

1) Phantom of the Opera (2004 Film) Review

I’m planning on saying more than just “Phantom of the Opera rocks!” (even if it will suffice ). The Phantom is an interesting character, and I have some things to say about him.

2) Jon Carpenter’s Vampire Review

James Woods and a priest walk into a bar. The priest says “ow” and James Woods says “Die motherf***** die!”

3) Blood of Ghastly Horror Review

Just kidding. I’m not doing one for this movie. Mainly because I have no clue what happened in the 90 minutes that passed. It had a wonderful 15 minute chase scene through the snow that ended up being a flashback that ended up not having anything to do with anything before everyone died(???) and the movie ended. That’s about all I need to say here.

4) The Grudge Review

One disturbingly freaky movie that wonderfully breaks all the unwritten laws of horror movies. Suffice to say I’m never going to look at an elevator the same way again.

5) Twilight Book Review

That’s right. I finished Twilight. A movie review will come later after I watch it. I don’t want to give much away here, but suffice to say there were parts I really liked, and parts I really didn’t like.

I also watched The Shining for the first time over the weekend, but part of me wants to read the book first.

Assassination 101: Day 1

“They tried and failed, all of them?”
“Oh, no.” She shook her head. “They tried and died.”
-Paul Atreides and Gaius Helen Mohiam

(A small piece that I started working on in a writer’s guild meeting. I’ve expanded it a bit, and might continue it down the line.)

—

Assassination 101: Day 1

My name is- well no, I can’t tell you my real name. Being an elite assassin carries many wonderful perks which sadly translate well onto the social circle. After all, I can’t just walk into a bar, find a pretty girl, and say “Hi, I’m an assassin!” It tends to be a conversation killer, if not a complete and total room clearer.

A friend of mine, name’s Flonne, tried this technique once on her first assignment. I can mention her name because she did not last very long in the field. She was a promising candidate in the classroom, if not a bit, shall we say breezy. In her haste to look good on her first assignment she overlooked the first rule of being an assassin: silence is everything.

Did I mention a classroom? Oh yes, the path to becoming an assassin is quite long and treacherous. Many prospective candidates endeavor themselves worthy of trying to walk in the shadows, yet very few succeed. If you want to have a remote chance of being an assassin, you have to pass a basic class known as assassination 101.

I remember my first day of Assassination 101 like it was yesterday. The class took place in a packed lecture hall of 200 students. The professor, after quite literally appearing at the podium located in the front center of the room introduced himself as a world-class assassin who would hence be referred to as Professor P.

Professor P surveyed the class with a grim look, his dark brown eyes taking a few seconds to linger on the faces of each and every student in the lecture hall. When our eyes met, I felt myself cringe uncontrollably from my position in the left-central section of the lecture hall. My mouth uttered the slightest, inaudible shout as what felt like an icy dagger pierced into my brain. Eternity passed in a second as I struggled to remain focused. Suddenly the pain went away, and I felt a voice in my head.

“Classroom Name: Nigredo. Specialty: Shadow Puppetry”

As the voice dissipated and I regained control of my senses, I noticed that the professor had already moved on to the back part of the room. With a cautious glance around the room, I noticed a dazed look in the eyes of many, with two students near the front row slumped over on their desks, unmoving.

“Satisfactory,” Professor P said as he finished his examination. “Now, would anyone care to hazard a guess as to the first rule of assassination?”

A hand shot up from the student on my left. The student was a small, eager looking guy that, well describing him is not really that important of a detail. The professor looked at the guy and nodded gravely. That grave nod on the other hand…that would be a very important detail.

“Well, is it-” The guy began to ask.

*Thoosh!*

Before anyone could even blink a throwing star appeared in the forehead of the question asker, directly between his eyes. He slumped over the desk in front of him, quite dead. I nervously shifted myself slightly to the right to avoid the blood quickly pooling on the desk. While I did this, I couldn’t help but note the suddenness of the throwing star. I had been looking at Professor P the entire time, yet I didn’t even see the slightest bit of movement from his arms, which had remained neatly folded on the podium. Oh yes, this guy was good.

“Incorrect,” Professor P said, a slight bit of amusement escaping the edges of his voice. “Would anyone else care to risk a guess?”

Silence filled the room for several long dark seconds before Professor P spoke again.

“Very good class. Silence is the first and most important step to becoming an assassin.”

Professor P glanced at the dead student next to me before continuing.

“Now let’s be perfectly clear. There is no failure in this class. Well, not in the traditional sense anyway. There are no f’s, no e’s, for in this class, failure means death.”

My face concealed a hidden smile as the professor began covering the syllabus for the class. This was going to be a fun semester.

Where the WIld Things Are - 10 Sentence Review

Let the wild rumpus start!
-Max

Note: The person I went to see this with suggested that I write the review in ten sentences in honor of the book. I am taking her challenge one step further and not only writing it in ten sentences but also writing it in 338 words, the word count of the book.

—

Turning a ten sentence book into a ninety-minute movie is no small feat, yet Where the Wild Things Are manages to effectively make the transition. The result is a film that not only builds upon the plot of the book, but delivers a powerful message of life, growing up, and learning to accept both the good and the bad along the way.

The basic premise of the movie follows that of the book: young Max gets frustrated with his mother, escapes to a surreal world of monsters, and quickly becomes their king. Most of the book’s plot is quickly glossed over in the first half an hour as Max befriends the scary monsters and engages in a brief wild rumpus party just like in the book. The film then proceeds to dive into more original, serious subject matter as Max and the monsters come to blows over Max’s leadership as it revolves around the construction of the ultimate house, and the wild things (and Max’s) conflicting ideals over who should take part in their happy little clubhouse.

While the early parts of the film were nothing to sneeze at (although there is one rather disturbing scene with the world’s most traumatizing elementary school teacher preaching the apocalypse to a bunch of kids) the true beauty comes when the original story takes over. Max’s attempt to create a perfect world and the subsequent consequences that result illustrate the complex duality of human life. Although we cannot create a perfect world where loneliness can be forever crushed and a sadness shield keeps out everything bad, we can learn to accept our troubles for what they are and grow to accept both the good and bad that will always be present in life. Truthfully, I consider it fortunate that Disney never got their hands on this book, for their desire to see a storybook ending would not due the book justice.

In short, Where the Wild Things Are provides a fantastic storytelling adventure that both kids and adults alike will appreciate.

Return of the Living Dead Review

You made me hurt myself again! I broke my hand off completely at the wrist this time, Tina! But that’s okay, Darlin’, because I love you, and that’s why you have to let me EAT YOUR BRAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINS!

-Freddy

Back in the day a classic film known as Night of the Living Dead was unveiled into the world. Night provides the foundation for pretty much every zombie movie in existence. Return of the Living Dead is a tongue-in-cheek parody that selflessly takes the ideas behind Night and twists them into a tangled mess of laughably bad acting, somewhat weak comedy, and plot confusion.

The premise is pretty simple being a zombie movie and all. Two medical warehouse employees end up accidentally opening some secret military canister that unleashes an evil mutant zombie. In the ensuing attempt to get rid of it through incineration, the chemicals the zombie carried result in an allergic reaction with the atmosphere, bringing forth a rainstorm that causes the dead to awaken from the conveniently located next-door cemetery.

There are two defining groups of characters operating in this movie. On one side, you have the employees of the medical building and the poor mortician that gets dragged into the mess. On the other side, you have a group of teenage hooligans that as one of my friends expertly pointed out represent all of the most disturbing trends of the 80’s in one convenient package. While I appreciate the film’s fine attempts to instill personality into the characters before the inevitable zombie apocalypse, alternating between idiot employees and 80’s drugges made for a mess that was so bad you couldn’t help but laugh, if not for all the wrong reasons.

In most zombie movies there are generally a few people you can sympathize with, a few people that you really don’t want to die because they are awesome in some way shape or form. This movie contains no such characters. Truth be told, you kind of want to root for the zombies after a point. While I give minor credit for the poor old mortician, you’ll probably find yourself applauding after awhile when one of the zombies scores a brain-eating victory.

Okay, so I’m being a little bit harsh here. To the character’s credit they do come up with some good ideas at various points throughout the movie. When the first zombie comes up the medical employees attempt to replicate the head bashing trick that they note worked in Night of the Living Dead, for example. Several characters are also quite good at reacting under pressure, especially when it comes to barricading doors after zombies unexpectedly clamber onto the scene.

Unfortunately these are not your average zombies. No sir Return of the Living Dead employs zombies that defy all zombie logic. They will still move with their heads cut off. They will run and perform amazing feats that you would not expect a slow mindless zombie to be capable of. Yet perhaps the most interesting feature of these zombies involves their intelligence. These are some of the smartest zombies I’ve ever seen. Not only are they capable of almost clear speech, they are adept at setting up ambushes. That last part provides some of the finest moments in the movie, as police reinforcements end up getting ambushed and eaten in increasingly amusing ways throughout the movie.

Taken for what it is, Return of the Living Dead isn’t a completely worthless movie. It has its moments, but they are few and far between compared to the build-up it takes to get to them. Yet at the same time I can’t honestly recommend it as highly as most do. If you want a good zombie movie, catch a Romero film. If you want something laughably awful, then you’ve come to the right place with this movie.